(I’m not really.)
Give it time, give it time. Rome wasn’t built in a day. No one sneezes on Thursday. A collection of pods will not stand. Down home we like to butter our toast on the side. Weasels are for weasels. Fill it up, don’t tuck it under. Integrate the synergies, but do it baldly. Judge not the koi. Retire to a louder place. Once is heresy, twice is just plain fun. The trolls enjoy pickle relish, not the orange kind. Boredom is the gateway to more boredom. You only think you’re watching the street lamp, but really it’s watching you, because government. The lonely butterfly gets all the nectar. Quit stomping on radishes. Turn the page when you’re done reading it. The mind is a shelf grown fat with paychecks, bills, unopened junk mail, all unfiled. Autocorrect this, bithc! One pencil is a handful, two pencils are tow handfuls, but three pencils are just silly. Crying is the sound of the toaster, laughing is the sound of one hand clapping. Kill your measles. Grow fat and sassy. When you’re feeling blue, chop some onions and then jump onto a water slide or a slip’n’slide, it doesn’t matter which. When a wormhole presents itself, you may enter, but don’t forget a sandwich and a spacesuit. Speaking of sandwiches. Fnord. There are many ways to say thank you, but only one way to say “please”. When the USB won’t fit, just turn it right around, no the other way. A poor man is the poor man’s poor man, but a hungry man is forever. Beware the jungle at NE 60th and Grand. When you meet Buddha in the road, cross to the other side, unless you’re at NE 60th and Grand, then you can kill him in an epic fight to the death, but make sure you have an audience or cameras or something, because otherwise, why bother. Two finger typing is for stars, thumbs are for primates, and hurdy-gurdys are for meistersingers. Unicorns make good burgers, but you don’t want to hire one. Fly traps are the battery acid of the soul. All that glitters is not rutabagas. An inkling for your idiom. Pursed lips are the devil’s plaything, also music boxes, also train sets, also jacks, also stubbed toes. When you can’t remember your name, then you’ve finally arrived. Never pack your suitcase with amoebas. If you’re gonna tie one shoelace, you might as well tie the other. Don’t talk to strange urns, strained jars, or stray njurs. Believe what you want today, because it won’t matter tomorrow, especially if tomorrow is a metaphorical tomorrow that never comes. Smile, it won’t get stuck that way.